7 min read

Sextortion: advice for parents and carers

If you are reading this because it is happening right now, skip to the first hour. Your child is not in trouble, this is a crime committed against them, and it is fixable.

What it actually is

Sextortion is blackmail. Someone obtains an intimate image of your child, or claims to have one, then threatens to send it to family, friends or the whole school unless they are paid.

It rarely looks like a stranger danger story. It usually starts with an ordinary friend request from someone who appears to be a similar age, a few days of normal conversation, then a move to a private app.

The person on the other end is very often an adult working from a script, and frequently part of an organized group.

Who it targets, and why it surprises people

Most parents assume the risk is to girls. For sextortion specifically, it is overwhelmingly boys aged 14 to 17, and the demand is almost always money rather than more images.

Girls are more often coerced for further images. Both happen, and children as young as 11 have been targeted.

The first hour

What happens in the first hour matters more than anything else. There are five things, in this order.

Do these five things

Tell your child plainly that they are not in trouble and you are not angry. Say it out loud, early, and mean it. Their silence is the thing the offender is relying on.
Stop all contact. Do not reply again, and do not pay anything.
Screenshot everything first: the profile, the messages, the account name and any payment details. Then block. Do not delete the account or the conversation, because that is the evidence.
Report it. the NCMEC CyberTipline is the route for under 18s.
Start the removal process through Take It Down, run by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. It is free and confidential, and nobody your child knows has to see the image.

Do not pay, even a small amount

Paying is the single most common instinct and it does not work. It confirms the account is live and that someone is willing to pay, so the demands continue and usually increase.

If money has already been sent, that is not a disaster and it is not a reason for shame. It just means telling the bank as well.

The mistake that is easy to make

The most natural parental reaction is to take the phone away. It feels like safety, and to a frightened teenager it lands as punishment for telling you.

It also removes the evidence and cuts them off from friends at the moment they feel most alone.

If you need to change something about the device, explain what and why, and do it with them rather than to them. The goal is that they tell you next time too.

Fake images made with AI

There is a related problem that works differently. Apps can now take an ordinary photo, a school picture or a selfie, and generate a fake image that appears to show the person undressed.

Here the victims are mostly girls aged 14 and under, and the person responsible is usually a classmate rather than a stranger.

Two things are worth knowing. It is a criminal offense to create or share a sexual image of anyone under 18 even when the image is fake, including when the person making it is also a child.

Image removal services accept AI generated fakes, not just real photographs, so the same route applies.

How it usually starts

Knowing the pattern makes it easier to spot, for you and for them.

A friendly message from an account that looks like someone their own age, or from a friend's account that has been taken over.
Lots of compliments and attention, quickly.
A suggestion to move to a different, more private app.
A photo sent to them first, then pressure to send one back.
Then the threat, sometimes in under an hour, often with a screenshot of their followers or friends list and a demand for money or gift cards.

Worth a gentle question

There is no single sign, and none of these proves anything. If you notice one, a calm "Are you OK? You can tell me anything" is enough to open the door.

Suddenly frightened, jumpy or very quiet after being on their phone.
Asking for money or gift cards without saying why.
Suddenly deleting accounts, or not wanting to go to school.

The conversation to have before anything happens

You do not need a big formal talk, and going through the mechanics of how these scams work is less useful than one sentence, said casually and more than once.

Something close to: if anything ever goes wrong online, including something you feel stupid about, you can tell me and you will not lose your phone and you will not be in trouble.

That sentence is doing the real work. Offenders succeed because a teenager decides that being blackmailed is less frightening than telling a parent. Removing that calculation in advance is the most protective thing available to you, and it costs nothing.

A page written for your child

Our short page for young people tells them, in their own terms, that they are not in trouble and what to do. You could send them the link now, before anything happens, so they know it is there.

Someone is threatening to share a photo of you

Where to get help

Take It Down to get an image removed, run by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
the NCMEC CyberTipline to report what has happened.
If your child is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency number.

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Your one habit from this lesson

If it happens, stop replying, keep the evidence, report it, and tell your child first that they are not in trouble.

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